This is not my beautiful wife

Dr. Andie,

I don't know how to start. I woke this morning not wanting to be married or even involved with the stranger of 9 years sleeping next to me. But the more disturbing issue to me is that I'm not saddened by this thought. You would figure that, at the very least, I would wave a fist to the sky and ask why I wasted the last 10 years with a woman that I don't even like anymore.


I felt the twinge of apathy towards my wife last night at a small happy-hour get together. She had had a bad day and was obviously bored. I completely understand how she must have felt. What upset me, though, was the squirming, hand on chin, rolling of the eyes, basically the whole attitude. I felt like I was with a 4-year old. I wanted to say, "Grow up". Instead, after we left, I held her in my arms and asked if she was okay. She explained that she was tired and bored and just wanted to get out of there. She looked and felt like a stranger to me. It felt like we had split-up a month ago and I was seeing her in a completely different way.


Surely the fault is all mine. However, a very close friend recently confided in me that the first year of marriage was the most difficult. He and his wife had been with each other for 6 years before they became husband and wife and their pre-marriage relationship was especially sweet. Yes, the occasional tiff would disturb the loving times but these were nothing like the arguments that they experienced as a married couple during that first year. Get past the first year and the rest is gravy, this friend told me. At the time, I didn't believe him. Now, however, I'm wondering if I even care if I care about making it another three months to our one-year wedding anniversary.


Happily Apathetic





Dear Happily,



Marriage is a long road and there will be many times when this road is in need of repair. It sounds as if at the moment this road may not be in the best of shape but the journey has grown so smooth you have gotten tired of traveling. Maybe you spend too much time with your wife and perhaps are more socially inclined than her. A night out on your own might help you to appreciate her more restrained sensibility. It is good to spend time with your partner but oftentimes it is the company of friends that can feed our souls more fully, so that we are finally able to appreciate the joys of domestic bliss.

Keep to the Beaten Path!



Andie East