Falling in Love, Again and Again

dear andie,

i recently (about 5 months ago) broke up with my partner of almost 3 years,
whom I had moved across the country with. I think that it is for the best, though it has been hard. since we broke up i have had various dating adventures, most of which ended up with me getting hurt--not so much because these new people were so callous or because anything too awful happened--mostly just the combination of my dreamy nature that makes me imagine settling down with everyone, and the fact that i haven't actually been ready for a relationship. it's kind of a weird combination. anyways, i met someone a few weeks ago and i feel pretty good about it, but i am afraid of falling back into that impossible trap. can you give me some tips for how to take things slow and steady, and maintain my independence while starting to like someone?
thank you!

Forever Falling

Dear Forever Falling,

There are no hard and fast rules for prevention of a broken heart. But it does sound like in some ways you may have put yourself out there too soon. A break-up can leave even the most cynical feeling vulnerable and raw and quickly you can find yourself opening up to the unexpected and feeling overwhelmed.

It sounds as if you have had some time to recover from your break-up. I would advise you to be honest with this new person in your life. Just stay in touch with what you are feeling and do things that are comfortable for you. If you do find yourself becoming overly enamored, take some time out to spend time with yourself. Don't lose yourself too quickly. Be careful to let them know what you are feeling and where are with things.

Also you might want to look at the string of minor heartbreaks you experiences as aftershocks from your relationship. Maybe it was another way of trying to get over the initial hurt. In the end, it may help more than it hurt.

Best of Luck,

Andie