Dear Andie,
My boyfriend and I recently moved in together after 4 years of dating, and my mother is reacting badly to it. She's religious and conservative, and doesn't approve of me living with someone (in the romantic way) unless I'm married to them. My sister had a similar
experience, and though my parents grew to tolerate and even like my brother-in-law (they later did get married), my mom obviously hasn't changed her opinion on the moral impropriety of "living in sin". She's actively expressed her disapproval and said some pretty outrageous
things that upset both my boyfriend and I. She used to think my bf was a nice guy, but now she's decided that he's to blame for what she sees as the corruption of her child. It's very difficult to have a conversation with her about this because she's so set on her opinions.
I know there's nothing I can do to gain her approval or change her mind, but is there anything I can do to help make peace in our relationship? She's starting to drive me crazy.
- Extramarital Sex in the City
My boyfriend and I recently moved in together after 4 years of dating, and my mother is reacting badly to it. She's religious and conservative, and doesn't approve of me living with someone (in the romantic way) unless I'm married to them. My sister had a similar
experience, and though my parents grew to tolerate and even like my brother-in-law (they later did get married), my mom obviously hasn't changed her opinion on the moral impropriety of "living in sin". She's actively expressed her disapproval and said some pretty outrageous
things that upset both my boyfriend and I. She used to think my bf was a nice guy, but now she's decided that he's to blame for what she sees as the corruption of her child. It's very difficult to have a conversation with her about this because she's so set on her opinions.
I know there's nothing I can do to gain her approval or change her mind, but is there anything I can do to help make peace in our relationship? She's starting to drive me crazy.
- Extramarital Sex in the City
Dear Extramarital Sex,
I would advise a meeting with your mother, perhaps a special visit of some sort where you can sit her down and discuss. I think the best thing is to let her know that you understand her situation but you are an adult and will make your own decisions. Case closed. Best thing to do would be to agree to not talk about it in the future. It sounds as if your mother does not want to let go and realize that you are an adult will make your own decisions in life. If she cannot deal with this or insists on saying hurtful things to you, you may have to limit your contact with her. This is really her problem and not yours.
Another option would be to consult with your sister for advice as she may have insight on ways to compromise with your Mother.
Sincerely,
Andie East
Sincerely,
Andie East
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