Sick and Tired

Hi Andie,



Long time reader, first time writer.



I have a chronic illness, and I haven't found a satisfactory way to convey that information to my family so that it...sticks. They understand, in theory, that I don't always feel so hot, but they're always asking me to do things that are outside of my range of capability, and then giving me a hard time when I don't/can't. If I take a soft line, I get pressured into doing things that I don't wanna do - and that aren't so great for me. If I take a hard line, they send flowers and "Get Well!" cards...and talk about me in hushed, worried tones. Where's the middle ground?


Truly Yours,
Sick and Tired


Dear Sick and Tired,

It sounds like they do not fully understand the impact your illness has on your social and personal life. Might there be a useful book or movie that would help them to relate to your particular limitations? Another option might be a simple sit down dinner where your illness is the topic and you discuss your limitations and create a safe space for them to ask questions and consult with you as to what is okay, and what is beyond your capabilities.

If you have already taken these steps and they still do not understand, it might just be up to you to draw boundaries for yourself and stick to them. Although you may have more of the uncomfortable situations you detailed in your question, over time your family will get the message. And by time, it may mean six months or it may mean two years. But they will get the message to the extent that the two extremes you detail will desist.

Take Care,
Andie