Relaxation without Communication

Dear Mrs. Knowsalot,

I am having trouble with "Maxwell". He and I have been together for about 18 months now, and we are taking a break because we have been going through a rough patch. We have both been very emotionally drained because of everything that is going on. "Maxwell" thinks that this time apart should be spent individually processing and working on things, but I need this time apart to just be a complete break! I don't want to think about anything during this time. I just want to relax and take a deep breath and spend sometime enjoying being alone. Then I feel like I will have more energy to devote to him after we start up again. My question: how can I make him better understand my need for this? I am afraid that when our break is up and we get back together, it will have all turned into some kind of test as to whether or not I did any processing! Help me Andie Knowsalot!

Sincerely,

Lacking Wisdom


Dear Lacking,

I can only infer that the time spent during a break up is supposed to be used to decide whether to continue the relationship or not. Everyone has different ways of processing. Just because you see time spent relaxing as not thinking about the situation at all, does not mean that you are not processing in some way. It may be after a few weeks of relaxing you will be able to gather your thoughts and come to a conclusion. Oftentimes during moments of quiet or rest we will find answers rising to the surface.

A friend once described an exercise to me that might work for you. Do a relaxing activity, such as taking a bath, or having a cup of a tea and a sit. While relaxing, let your thoughts drift above your head, your feelings or anxiety's and just watch them without reacting with them. This is a good way to realize your situation without confronting it.

When you reconnect with Maxwell, perhaps you will be able to better communicate how you are feeling about the relationship. This time that you spend relaxing is not only to let the relationship recede from your mind, but also to let yourself heal and therefore find the answers you seek.

Best of luck,

Andie